The Golden Life

I thought my inability to get out of bed, the extr

I thought my inability to get out of bed, the extra effort it took to brush my teeth/shower and handle any of my daily responsibilities was my personal failure.

I would tell myself, tomorrow, I’ll be better.

But, I wasn’t.

I was chained to the cycle of depression.

I would mentally beat myself up every day for not being able to function.

It wasn’t for lack of trying. Because I did, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do more than the bare minimum and, sometimes, not even that.

Words like lazy and unmotivated crossed my mind when I lamented on who I was in those moments.

But, After lots of therapy, I finally accepted that 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐚 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐟𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐞.

𝐈 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐝𝐨 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐥𝐥.

And my struggles because of it didn’t make me any less of a person nor did it make me undeserving of the kindness and grace I needed to show myself.

It took me some time, but I clawed my way out of the dark hole I was in.

And I couldn’t do it alone. I had assistance from my psychologist, psychiatrist, and medication.

It’s not my fault. And if you are mentally ill, it's not your fault either. Don’t make it your personal failure. Make it your indicator to be kinder, more gentle, and loving towards yourself.

Who's ready for a vacay?! 🙋🏾‍♀️⠀ ⠀

Who's ready for a vacay?! 🙋🏾‍♀️⠀
⠀
I've been gearing up to do some more local travel and wrote a blog post about all the essential items I'll need to make the traveling process much smoother. ⠀
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Check out the link in my bio for all the necessary items you'll need for a short trip. ✨

For the last few months, I've been super productiv

For the last few months, I've been super productive.⠀
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Here's why:⠀
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I'm getting the best sleep I've had in YEARS.⠀
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Since learning 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡 𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐮𝐩𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐈 𝐠𝐞𝐭, I've made strides to make sleep a priority.⠀
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Here's why sleep is important for mental health:⠀
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1. Poor sleep is one of the biggest contributors to developing depression and staying depressed.⠀
2. Poor sleep interferes with concentration, learning, and memory.⠀
3. Poor sleep can elevate stress.⠀
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To combat this, I've established a nighttime routine that starts two hours before I go to bed, and during the day I don't feel fatigued or in need of a nap because I've gotten the sleep I need at night.⠀
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Here are some things I do to make sure I have a good night's rest:⠀
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1. 𝑴𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒂𝒎𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒅𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒂𝒔 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒂𝒔 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒃𝒍𝒆. This way, my brain will be trained to go to bed at a certain time, and I'll get quality sleep.⠀
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2. 𝑳𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒂𝒎𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒗𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒕𝒚. Including my phone within a 30-minute window of going to bed.⠀
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3. 𝑵𝒐 𝒍𝒊𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒅𝒔 𝒕𝒘𝒐 𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒅𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆. So, I don't have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, which interrupts my sleep pattern.⠀
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4. 𝑴𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒎𝒚 𝒕𝒐-𝒅𝒐 𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒕 𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝑰 𝒎𝒂𝒚 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒏 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒅. Worrying and planning disrupt sleep. So, writing these things out helps get them out my head. That way, I can enjoy a good night's rest.⠀
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5. 𝑺𝒕𝒂𝒚 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒃𝒆𝒅 𝒖𝒏𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒐 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒍𝒆𝒆𝒑. This helps my brain associate the bed with sleep; therefore, making it easier for me to fall asleep at night.⠀
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In what ways do you ensure a good night's rest?

Mantra for the week. Boundaries are there to allo

Mantra for the week.

Boundaries are there to allow us to flourish within the confines of self-love.⠀
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Letting people know what we will and will not do or accept allows us to protect our energy and in return our self-love.⠀
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𝐁𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐲 𝐁𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬:⠀
Increased self-care⠀
Better communication⠀
Increased self-awareness⠀
Better friend/partner⠀
Higher level of peace⠀
Increased Energy⠀
Improved self-esteem⠀
Better mental health⠀
⠀
𝐒𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐬 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐲 𝐁𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬:⠀
Trusting and believing in yourself⠀
Having the ability to say, "No."⠀
Knowing your needs and feelings are just as important as someone else's⠀
Being responsible for your own happiness⠀
Being able to accept an ending to a relationship⠀
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𝐒𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐬 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐃𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐲 𝐁𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬:⠀
Not sticking to your guns when you say "No."⠀
Experiencing heavy guilt and anxiety⠀
Not speaking up when you are treated poorly⠀
Difficulty in making decisions⠀
Sharing too much of yourself with everyone⠀
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𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐓𝐨 𝐄𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐲 𝐁𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬:⠀
Recognize you are entitled to self-care⠀
Practice self-awareness (i.e., meditate)⠀
Make the word "No" your friend⠀
Use assertive "I" statements when needed (I need...I want...I feel...)⠀
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𝐈𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐞𝐭 𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬?

While traveling locally, one of the ways I set the

While traveling locally, one of the ways I set the tone for my trip and get the mental boost I need is listening to inspirational podcasts.⠀
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I wrote a blog post about five in particular that have been immensely gratifying and motivating. ⠀
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✨Check out the link in my bio for the episodes, and add them to your playlist for your next road trip! 🔗

Hi There!👋🏾 ⠀ It's been 7,489,654 days sin

Hi There!👋🏾
⠀
It's been 7,489,654 days since I've formally introduced myself. And since I took six months off Instagram, I figured I could give it a go today.⠀
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I'm Toni King, and I run the blog, The Golden Life, as a place to educate, uplift, and inspire through wellness and travel stories and tips. In between my wellness and travel chronicles, you can find me sharing unfiltered and vulnerable stories about living with a mental illness.⠀
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One of my mantras is, "When you learn, teach. When you get, give." (Maya Angelou) I aim to be of service by doing that in just about every aspect of my life.⠀
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Here are a few interesting facts about me:⠀
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𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒏 𝑨𝒄𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒔𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝑰 𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒋𝒐𝒃 (I wrote about my experience in the link in my bio). 👩🏾‍💻⠀
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𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒃𝒐𝒓𝒏, 𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒔𝒆𝒅, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑾𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒕𝒐𝒏, 𝑫.𝑪. 𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒂. I love the diversity and the opportunities for adventure that surround me. 🌇⠀
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𝑰'𝒎 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒔𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒂 𝒐𝒇 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒏 𝑾𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒕𝒐𝒏, 𝑫.𝑪. 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆. I feel the life of an ex-pat gently calling my name. ✈️⠀
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𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒂 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒓-𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒓-𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝑮𝒐𝒍𝒅𝒆𝒏 𝑹𝒆𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒅 𝑷𝒆𝒚𝒕𝒐𝒏. He's a gentle giant (weighing in at 100+ lbs), my office mate, and definitely one of my besties.🙎🏾‍♀️🐶⠀
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𝑰'𝒎 𝒂𝒍𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒆 𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒔 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒚 𝒗𝒆𝒈𝒂𝒏 𝒋𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒚. And for me, it was the best way to go (goodbye menstrual cramps).😁⠀
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𝑰 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒂 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒒𝒖𝒐𝒕𝒆. I have hundreds of them saved. Something about a poignant sentence just stays with me forever.☺️⠀
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𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒔𝒊𝒈𝒏 𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒖𝒂𝒈𝒆. It's pretty rusty, but I can still hold some form of a conversation.🥴⠀
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𝑰'𝒎 𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒏 𝑭𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒉. I come from a family of French speakers (Beninese background), but sadly I did not learn the language. I've been using Duolingo for a few months now, and it seems to be helping. #slowandsteadyprogress 🇧🇯 🥖🥐 🇫🇷⠀
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𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧. 𝐈'𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠(𝐬) 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬!

. . 𝐁𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐎𝐟 𝐄

.
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𝐁𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐎𝐟 𝐄𝐱𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐆𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐞⠀
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Decreased depression symptoms⠀
Improved physical health⠀
Higher serotonin levels (the happy chemical in the brain)⠀
Better sleep⠀
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𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐩𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐛𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞:⠀
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Journaling the things you are grateful for daily⠀
Meditating on the things you're grateful for daily⠀
Expressing gratitude to people you love frequently⠀
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𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒕𝒖𝒅𝒆?

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐓𝐨 𝐁𝐞 𝐀 𝐓𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐈𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐂𝐢𝐭𝐲⠀
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I, like many people, am missing travel. Honestly, it was a big part of my mental upkeep. Fortunately, I live in a pretty cool city, so I can do some exploring in my backyard.⠀
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Here are the ways I've been going about it that can help you too (maintaining social distancing of course):⠀
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𝐌𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐇𝐢𝐭 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭. Whenever I prepare for a trip, the very first thing I do is make a list of all the popular attractions. I've begun to treat my city's hot spots the same way. I've made a list of everything great about my city, then began to tackle it one by one. I even enlist the help of friends and family to get suggestions because we all do city living differently.⠀
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𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧. Having a tourist perspective is more than just exploring the city. Its actually living the tourist life. Book a hotel room or Airbnb in a popular neighborhood and get recommendations from the front desk or host.⠀
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𝐒𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐞 𝐚 𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝐓𝐫𝐢𝐩. My home, Washington, D.C., is not only known for its monuments and museums. We have some great attractions in outlying cities like beautiful resorts and wineries. Check out the surrounding areas of your town for places to visit.⠀
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𝐖𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐀𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝. The least costly thing on this list is your pair of feet. Drop yourself in the city center and just wander around mindfully uncovering all your city has to offer.⠀
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𝑯𝒐𝒘 𝒅𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒍𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒄𝒊𝒕𝒚 𝒅𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒔?

𝐇𝐢, 𝐈'𝐦 𝐓𝐨𝐧𝐢, 𝐚𝐧𝐝

𝐇𝐢, 𝐈'𝐦 𝐓𝐨𝐧𝐢, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈'𝐦 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝'𝐬 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐁𝐢𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐫 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫.⠀
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I wrote that in my journal on February 5, 2020 - The day I was diagnosed.⠀
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I was in the middle of an 'episode', so I was up all night and couldn't sleep. Since I had ample time, I researched everything I could about the disorder. I read EVERY medical article from EVERY publication.⠀
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But what I couldn't find in my research was how to reconcile 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝑰 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒅𝒊𝒂𝒈𝒏𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆.⠀
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It took me some time, including lots of reflecting and therapeutic work, but I arrived at an answer. What I've accepted is bipolar is just a piece of the puzzle. It doesn't complete me, define me, nor make or break me.⠀
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In fact, it has been one of my greatest teachers. It has taught me how to be kind to myself and live my life with more synergy, self-respect, and self-love.⠀
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You may not have a bipolar diagnosis. But you may be living with some other form of mental illness or medical condition. If so, be kind to yourself. Love on yourself. Allow your condition to show you the areas where you could use a little more light and attention.⠀
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I promise you, you'll feel much happier when you do❤️❤️.
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Wellness in itself is a broad category. There are

Wellness in itself is a broad category. There are multiple dimensions to it. ⠀
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I've pinpointed nine that are pretty essential to your overall well being.⠀
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Tell me, what are the top three dimensions you have down, and which one would you like to develop further?⠀
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I left my list in the comments, so meet me there!⠀
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